Matt vs. H1N1

I had swine flu.

I had the dreaded disease of today's media, and lived to tell the tale about it; a tale I'm now imparting to you, faithful reader of my blog. This pandemic is a strain of the "common" influenza virus that plagues us (oh I'm full of the good ones, today!) every year, and in order to describe how it feels, I've concocted an elaborate metaphor. Stay awhile, and listen, if you will.

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Imagine being hit with a cement truck out of nowhere. Every muscle in your body just doesn't want to move, and your higher brain functions are slowly shutting off, one by one. What's left of your aching self just wants to slip into a cold world where you cannot feel anything anymore, and stay there for eternity.

Now imagine you were Wolverine when this happened, and your healing factor fixed you right up. The last bones were just snapping back into place, when another cement truck hits you, this time harder than the first. And it was carrying nitroglycerin, a compound which explodes on shock.

Being Wolverine, who lately has been written like a complete ass, you eventually regenerate from this crash, too. Only now there's one nagging bone that won't grow back into place properly. You're forced to re-break that bone over and over, hoping that each time you to, it'll fit back together the right way, letting you get on with your day, which consists of keying Scott Summers' car and banging his hot redhead wife.
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That's basically my experience with H1N1. It comes out of nowhere, hits you hard, then fades away for a little bit (to give you hope) before coming back harder than ever, crushing your spirits and making you forget how it ever was to be well. However, treatment is basically the same as any flu, and really, for all intents and purposes, that's all H1N1 is: a flu that's looking to prove itself among the common colds and SARS of this world. It just wants to feel loved/feared.

Anyways, some interesting stuff happened as result of this.

1. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, thinks you will be dying in the next 24 hours. Friends, family, and (perhaps the best of all) teachers think that they are one day away from throwing all your possessions on eBay to make back all the cash they spent on you. This tends to get you a lot of leeway with things like assignments and the sympathy actually does do wonders for recovery.

2. Wearing an "isolation mask" in public is embarrassing, and no one should ever do it for longer than necessary. The amount of weird looks you get from people (some assholes downright laughed at me) is staggering, and really, it's just doctor's orders. I'm not wearing it for kicks, you dolts; I'm trying to extend some courtesy and keep you from getting sick.

3. Rooming with theater school kids who pass around bugs like this is to be avoided in the future.

4. A nagging sore throat that basically feels like acid cannot be fixed by anything other than drinking something in large quantities. Next time I shall invest in a camel back water backpack. Money well spent.

To all you sick people out there, my best advice is to just sleep. It's the best time to actually get a semblance of a sleep schedule back in order since your body wants you in bed early and up early as well; I actually saw what before noon on a Saturday looks like.

It's glorious.